Old ways aren’t always the best ways.

My efforts at getting unstuck have taken awhile to hone. In the past, it usually involved me waiting around until I stumbled across a person or a thing that brought some level of change into my life. Such as my Aunt Sue telling me about the newest app that effectively organized my work schedule and home responsibilities which made my days flow more smoothly. Or my sweet friend Dana who took me to her monthly book club which allowed me to delve into a variety of subjects that opened my mind to new perspectives and ideas. Or waiting for my boyfriend to do something fun and exciting and invite me along. Yep, my answer to getting unstuck was to wait around for external things or people to bring about change to me. It never crossed my mind that I was responsible in bringing about change for me.

What story are you telling yourself?

Certainly, change that comes from external sources is not bad. It can offer you new ideas and viewpoints that you may not come up with on your own. But I believe the best and most rewarding ways of getting ourselves unstuck come from within us. Take a moment to notice your thoughts. What kind of story are you telling yourself? Are you telling yourself that things will never be different? Are you telling yourself that you can’t possibly find a new partner/new job/new house/new life because of negative attributes you’ve given yourself? Are you blaming yourself or others for mistakes made in the past or reliving old patterns that don’t serve you anymore? Are you afraid/nervous/anxious/unclear about taking the steps necessary for change to happen?

Our thoughts are the starting point to getting unstuck.

When being stuck and my desire for change feels overwhelming, I literally encourage and tell myself to use forward momentum. If I do nothing, nothing changes. If I can just take a baby step towards something (anything!), there’s a shift in momentum, even if it’s tiny. And let me tell you, those tiny steps eventually add up! It’s also in that forward movement where I find small wins and those wins mean I’ve accomplished something. And when I accomplish something, I often feel proud of myself. See the pattern?

Encouraging Thoughts –> Baby Steps/Forward Momentum –> Small Wins –> Accomplishment/Movement Towards Getting Unstuck

If the idea of talking to yourself in a kind and encouraging way feels foreign to you, start there. Use a little forward momentum to begin exploring your thoughts and your inner voice. It can create a cascade of movement towards positive transformation and it’s a beautiful first step in creating change for you from within you. Then, keep going! We all get stuck from time to time and it can mean a million different things to a million different people. By focusing on your thoughts and using forward momentum, you have two powerful tools to create constructive change for yourself.

And while I’m grateful I found a better and healthier process for getting myself unstuck, it’s certainly not the only way. Do you have a different method that works for you? Let me know in the comments below. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

With Grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.

Our skills are our abilities, knowledge and competencies to perform a task or a job. These are the things we do each day to earn a living and to make our worlds go ‘round. Strength includes the quality of being physically strong, but also our capacity to withstand great force or pressure. I like to think of that capacity as the strength of our mindset, attitudes and beliefs. And luck? Well, luck is just when good or bad things happen by chance. It’s the roll of the dice resulting in our good or bad fortunes in life.

Death as the ultimate endgame.

I think it’s a safe assumption that our personal endgame is when we come to the conclusion of our skills, strengths and luck. And that would mean death is THE ultimate endgame. For everyone.

Most people have no idea when their endgame will occur, but, to some extent, we do have control over how our endgame looks and feels. Usually, death isn’t on our radar when we’re young and just starting careers, relationships and life in general. But whether you’re 80 years old or have been recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, you certainly have more life behind you than you do in front of you. Perhaps, if you haven’t already, it’s time to start sharing precious heirlooms or special memories or photos with your family. Or letting a close friend or family member know your final wishes from a legal or medical standpoint. You have control over these things. How and where you want to live your final days (maybe it’s on a Caribbean island or in your most beloved recliner!) and who you want, or don’t want, near you are important considerations.

The endgame mindset.

Besides the physical attributes of your last days, have you considered how you might want to feel or think as you reflect on your life during those days? I haven’t worked with any clients who say they choose to be sad, regretful, miserable and cranky at the end of their lives. Sadly, I imagine there are some people who leave this earth in that manner, but if you want to have your final days be filled with gratitude, appreciation, peace and love, you may have some work to do on your outlook.

Your mindset is a big contributor in how you respond and interpret situations. And, in this case, that situation is your death. By working on your beliefs and attitudes, it can be incredibly powerful in how you view the world – your own world and the greater world around you. Even by making small adjustments, you can shift your mindset to find more peace in each day, forgiveness and love for yourself and others, and a sense of gratitude for the life you lived.

Our skills fade.

As we age, almost all of our skills diminish or come to an end. You may have been a trained athlete early in life, but you won’t always be able to compete at the level you once did when you were younger. You may have had mad skills as a teacher or an electrician or an engineer, but you may not keep up with new advances or discoveries or you might lose interest altogether in your chosen career.

Your skills fade over time. You still know how to drive a car, but you often drive much slower as you get older. Your eyesight fades. Your hearing fades. Even your sense of taste fades. But if you work on your mindset, and barring any brain disorders or dementia, it won’t fade. You can keep that for the entirety of your life. And while a disease may affect your brain, there’s not a single person who can take your mindset away from you. No one has that much power.

Is how you live your life how you want to live your death?

Give yourself the time and space to think about how you want to spend your final days. Your death may be looming closely or it could be decades away. It’s never too late (or too early!) to define your endgame. Make your life matter until the very end. And while your skills and physical strength decline over the years, your mindset is resilient if you invest in it.

With Grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.

If you’re midlife and have children, those children are likely now young adults. Probably starting to pursue careers and independent lives of their own without needing constant support or frequent assistance from you. And if you’re midlife and have parents that are still living, it could mean helping take care of your parents in a variety of ways at varying levels of care. Midlife is also considered the Sandwich Generation – providing simultaneous support for young adult children and aging parents.

Wow, that feels like a lot.

And it is! But it’s not just children and parents that you’re juggling. You’re also managing other relationships, extended families, your job and trying to find time for yourself which can often lead to burnout, depression, isolation and guilt. Midlife is commonly the time when we reassess our lives – take stock of our financial situation, come to terms with increasing limitations and perhaps regrets about our past. There are changes in jobs, careers, marriages and possibly the early stages of mental or physical decline. Yes, that is a lot.

No wonder midlife crises are so popular, but not really by choice. They can be a result of all that turbulence and ambiguity. And while midlife transitions can be overwhelming and challenging, they can also be an opportunity to look ahead with a growth mindset and not down the path to a shiny red sports car.

“So how do I endure midlife?”

You make the most of it! Every challenge you face in a transitional period, whether it’s midlife or another stage, can be seen as a learning opportunity – to be better and to do better. It’s about your perspective and mindset. Trust me, I know those challenges are hard. They often highlight our weaknesses in ways we’d rather not see, but try to look at what the challenges are teaching you.

Maybe it’s finally pushing you to get organized and bring your multi-tasking skills to the varsity team. Maybe it’s teaching you to say No to things that aren’t a priority for you but are causing you added stress. Or maybe it’s about learning to shift your mindset about how you look at it all. When you start understanding your thoughts, it drastically affects your emotions, actions and results. Reach out to a friend who seems to be mastering midlife – tap them for ideas. Also, life coaches are amazing resources that help you sift through your challenges and mindset and provide guidance as you move forward through the ambiguity.

Ok, let’s do this

You’re in midlife. That means you have a wealth of life experience behind you, you’re likely a more confident person and you know what you value. Start there, but then push yourself and go further. There’s room for growth in the chaos. If you can shift your perspective to see your transitions and challenges from a different mindset, you might just see a new outlook that resembles a warm, glowing glimmer of light.

With Grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.