Our skills are our abilities, knowledge and competencies to perform a task or a job. These are the things we do each day to earn a living and to make our worlds go ‘round. Strength includes the quality of being physically strong, but also our capacity to withstand great force or pressure. I like to think of that capacity as the strength of our mindset, attitudes and beliefs. And luck? Well, luck is just when good or bad things happen by chance. It’s the roll of the dice resulting in our good or bad fortunes in life.

Death as the ultimate endgame.

I think it’s a safe assumption that our personal endgame is when we come to the conclusion of our skills, strengths and luck. And that would mean death is THE ultimate endgame. For everyone.

Most people have no idea when their endgame will occur, but, to some extent, we do have control over how our endgame looks and feels. Usually, death isn’t on our radar when we’re young and just starting careers, relationships and life in general. But whether you’re 80 years old or have been recently diagnosed with a terminal illness, you certainly have more life behind you than you do in front of you. Perhaps, if you haven’t already, it’s time to start sharing precious heirlooms or special memories or photos with your family. Or letting a close friend or family member know your final wishes from a legal or medical standpoint. You have control over these things. How and where you want to live your final days (maybe it’s on a Caribbean island or in your most beloved recliner!) and who you want, or don’t want, near you are important considerations.

The endgame mindset.

Besides the physical attributes of your last days, have you considered how you might want to feel or think as you reflect on your life during those days? I haven’t worked with any clients who say they choose to be sad, regretful, miserable and cranky at the end of their lives. Sadly, I imagine there are some people who leave this earth in that manner, but if you want to have your final days be filled with gratitude, appreciation, peace and love, you may have some work to do on your outlook.

Your mindset is a big contributor in how you respond and interpret situations. And, in this case, that situation is your death. By working on your beliefs and attitudes, it can be incredibly powerful in how you view the world – your own world and the greater world around you. Even by making small adjustments, you can shift your mindset to find more peace in each day, forgiveness and love for yourself and others, and a sense of gratitude for the life you lived.

Our skills fade.

As we age, almost all of our skills diminish or come to an end. You may have been a trained athlete early in life, but you won’t always be able to compete at the level you once did when you were younger. You may have had mad skills as a teacher or an electrician or an engineer, but you may not keep up with new advances or discoveries or you might lose interest altogether in your chosen career.

Your skills fade over time. You still know how to drive a car, but you often drive much slower as you get older. Your eyesight fades. Your hearing fades. Even your sense of taste fades. But if you work on your mindset, and barring any brain disorders or dementia, it won’t fade. You can keep that for the entirety of your life. And while a disease may affect your brain, there’s not a single person who can take your mindset away from you. No one has that much power.

Is how you live your life how you want to live your death?

Give yourself the time and space to think about how you want to spend your final days. Your death may be looming closely or it could be decades away. It’s never too late (or too early!) to define your endgame. Make your life matter until the very end. And while your skills and physical strength decline over the years, your mindset is resilient if you invest in it.

With Grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.

I see you. And I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on since you received your news. How are you? I mean, how are you coping and digesting and dealing with everything? The life-changing news? The flood of emotions? The planning and preparing?

You must be overwhelmed. I think I would feel completely overwhelmed. Have you already gone through your own stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I hear they don’t always go in order. And sometimes people skip steps or cycle back and forth among the stages. I guess no one really knows until they’ve been where you are. Perhaps just knowing they exist — to put words to the somewhat vague structure of emotions and feelings — provides some level of comfort.

Would it help to talk to someone? At times, these conversations are hard for our friends and family. Death is often a difficult topic. Maybe talking to a neutral person about past memories or what scares you about death or how best to focus on your favorite people would offer you some peace. Or perhaps you’d find a bit of closure if someone were to help you finalize plans, listen as you make the most of each day or support you in how you define your legacy.

I understand that people toward the end stages of life are often worried about being a burden to their families. I was a Hospice volunteer for years and heard this concern many times. Is that a worry of yours? How can I help you soften that burden on your family? There are many opportunities and resources to ease that weight for you and for them.

A “good death” means different things to everyone, but I bet you want each of your last days to be as good and happy as they can be. I would. Share your thoughts with the people who will be closest to you at the end of your life. They may not want to hear it, but they need to know. And I have a feeling they will appreciate and find comfort knowing they did as you asked, especially after you’re gone.

As you consider your final days, it would be my honor to give you my time and attention. I can be a sounding board for you without judgment. If not me, I hope you have someone who’s loving and compassionate in your life that can offer you this precious space and time.

You may be dying, but your life still matters. With dignity and pride and love, make it all count until the end.

With grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.