I see you

Dear Beautiful Human,

I see you. And I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on since you received your news. How are you? I mean, how are you coping and digesting and dealing with everything? The life-changing news? The flood of emotions? The planning and preparing?

You must be overwhelmed. I think I would feel completely overwhelmed. Have you already gone through your own stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I hear they don’t always go in order. And sometimes people skip steps or cycle back and forth among the stages. I guess no one really knows until they’ve been where you are. Perhaps just knowing they exist — to put words to the somewhat vague structure of emotions and feelings — provides some level of comfort.

Would it help to talk to someone? At times, these conversations are hard for our friends and family. Death is often a difficult topic. Maybe talking to a neutral person about past memories or what scares you about death or how best to focus on your favorite people would offer you some peace. Or perhaps you’d find a bit of closure if someone were to help you finalize plans, listen as you make the most of each day or support you in how you define your legacy.

I understand that people toward the end stages of life are often worried about being a burden to their families. I was a Hospice volunteer for years and heard this concern many times. Is that a worry of yours? How can I help you soften that burden on your family? There are many opportunities and resources to ease that weight for you and for them.

A “good death” means different things to everyone, but I bet you want each of your last days to be as good and happy as they can be. I would. Share your thoughts with the people who will be closest to you at the end of your life. They may not want to hear it, but they need to know. And I have a feeling they will appreciate and find comfort knowing they did as you asked, especially after you’re gone.

As you consider your final days, it would be my honor to give you my time and attention. I can be a sounding board for you without judgment. If not me, I hope you have someone who’s loving and compassionate in your life that can offer you this precious space and time.

You may be dying, but your life still matters. With dignity and pride and love, make it all count until the end.

With grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.