Then fast forward 20 or so years. I was looking to switch up my workout and decided maybe it was time to try yoga again. And, low and behold, I liked it. In fact, I loved it! I loved the challenge. I loved learning the postures and breathing techniques. And I loved how my mind and body felt after a yoga session. Recently, one of my yoga instructors suggested our class try a crow pose – a challenging pose in which your hands are planted on the floor, your shins rest on your upper arms and your feet lift off the ground. Umm okay! My first efforts were feeble and unsuccessful. But after numerous attempts, I finally got it (albeit a bit wobbly)! My face lit up like a little kid riding their bike for the first time without someone holding onto the seat. I was so happy! But more importantly, I was so proud of myself.

Pride is a fascinating emotion.

Pride, in regard to emotion, is a loaded term. It can be a feeling of great pleasure or satisfaction from one’s achievements or the quality of having an excessively high opinion of oneself or one’s importance. The difference between the two descriptions is a bit jarring. The first one imparts a positive feeling while the second one gives a negative impression. They both describe a person’s emotion, but it’s like taking the first definition and kicking it up a notch or ten to reach the second. Pride in one’s own accomplishments is beautiful! It’s truly my favorite emotion. But to intensify that feeling and inflate one’s own ego to then believe you are more superior because of your achievements, leads to the second definition. Interesting, isn’t it?

I believe one of the best and most exciting qualities about the good pride is that it often surprises us. And it does so because in the back of our minds, we think that maybe we can’t do the thing we are trying to do. I wasn’t 100% sure I could do a crow pose. I didn’t know if my entire body would balance on my hands and wrists. But it did and I did it! We learn and try so many new things in our early years of life that it feels second nature, but overcoming something challenging in midlife and beyond is a unique kind of feeling. As we age, the process and practice of learning and attempting new things tends to wane. We often find a way to do something and stick with it, sometimes for months or years or the rest of our lives. But if you never try anything new or push yourself beyond what you believe you’re capable of, how can you feel proud of yourself?

Self-promotion or humility?

Once you’ve experienced a sense of pride, what you do with it and your joyful moment is up to you. Do you keep it to yourself or share it with your partner? Do you tell a few close friends or your entire social media audience? If you choose to share it with others and the message about your pride comes across as self-promoting or arrogant, you may get negative backlash. But if you lace your achievement with humility and modesty, it’s more apt to be received in a positive way.

How you communicate your pride can be the difference between the two definitions noted above and what differentiates pride from being a sin or a virtue. So while I felt very proud of my crow pose success, I don’t believe I’m better than others because of it. I’m just proud of me.

Find ways to feel proud.

You have so many opportunities each day to feel proud of yourself. Maybe you’re struggling with anxiety or depression and getting out of bed in the morning is difficult. Give yourself the gift of pride when you do get out of bed. You may think that’s too “normal and boring” to feel proud about, but if it’s something you’re struggling with and you accomplish it, you should be proud of yourself! Maybe you want to have a healthier relationship with alcohol. Your consumption feels excessive and you want to make changes. How about feeling proud of yourself for drinking one less drink a day? Or maybe you decide that on Tuesdays you won’t drink alcohol? Take a moment to feel the pride that comes with achieving something you weren’t 100% sure you could do – because you deserve it.

I love the feeling of being happy, but being proud of myself always leads me to experience happiness. It’s a win-win. Like I’m getting an incredible 2-for-1 deal. Each day, see if you can recognize a time when you succeeded at something you weren’t sure you could accomplish. Those moments give us the opportunity to feel proud of ourselves, increase our self-confidence and motivate us to continue tackling challenges and adversities moving forward.

So, when’s the last time you felt proud of yourself?

With grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.

If you’re midlife and have children, those children are likely now young adults. Probably starting to pursue careers and independent lives of their own without needing constant support or frequent assistance from you. And if you’re midlife and have parents that are still living, it could mean helping take care of your parents in a variety of ways at varying levels of care. Midlife is also considered the Sandwich Generation – providing simultaneous support for young adult children and aging parents.

Wow, that feels like a lot.

And it is! But it’s not just children and parents that you’re juggling. You’re also managing other relationships, extended families, your job and trying to find time for yourself which can often lead to burnout, depression, isolation and guilt. Midlife is commonly the time when we reassess our lives – take stock of our financial situation, come to terms with increasing limitations and perhaps regrets about our past. There are changes in jobs, careers, marriages and possibly the early stages of mental or physical decline. Yes, that is a lot.

No wonder midlife crises are so popular, but not really by choice. They can be a result of all that turbulence and ambiguity. And while midlife transitions can be overwhelming and challenging, they can also be an opportunity to look ahead with a growth mindset and not down the path to a shiny red sports car.

“So how do I endure midlife?”

You make the most of it! Every challenge you face in a transitional period, whether it’s midlife or another stage, can be seen as a learning opportunity – to be better and to do better. It’s about your perspective and mindset. Trust me, I know those challenges are hard. They often highlight our weaknesses in ways we’d rather not see, but try to look at what the challenges are teaching you.

Maybe it’s finally pushing you to get organized and bring your multi-tasking skills to the varsity team. Maybe it’s teaching you to say No to things that aren’t a priority for you but are causing you added stress. Or maybe it’s about learning to shift your mindset about how you look at it all. When you start understanding your thoughts, it drastically affects your emotions, actions and results. Reach out to a friend who seems to be mastering midlife – tap them for ideas. Also, life coaches are amazing resources that help you sift through your challenges and mindset and provide guidance as you move forward through the ambiguity.

Ok, let’s do this

You’re in midlife. That means you have a wealth of life experience behind you, you’re likely a more confident person and you know what you value. Start there, but then push yourself and go further. There’s room for growth in the chaos. If you can shift your perspective to see your transitions and challenges from a different mindset, you might just see a new outlook that resembles a warm, glowing glimmer of light.

With Grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.

I see you. And I’m so sorry. I can’t begin to imagine the emotional rollercoaster you’ve been on since you received your news. How are you? I mean, how are you coping and digesting and dealing with everything? The life-changing news? The flood of emotions? The planning and preparing?

You must be overwhelmed. I think I would feel completely overwhelmed. Have you already gone through your own stages of grief? Denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. I hear they don’t always go in order. And sometimes people skip steps or cycle back and forth among the stages. I guess no one really knows until they’ve been where you are. Perhaps just knowing they exist — to put words to the somewhat vague structure of emotions and feelings — provides some level of comfort.

Would it help to talk to someone? At times, these conversations are hard for our friends and family. Death is often a difficult topic. Maybe talking to a neutral person about past memories or what scares you about death or how best to focus on your favorite people would offer you some peace. Or perhaps you’d find a bit of closure if someone were to help you finalize plans, listen as you make the most of each day or support you in how you define your legacy.

I understand that people toward the end stages of life are often worried about being a burden to their families. I was a Hospice volunteer for years and heard this concern many times. Is that a worry of yours? How can I help you soften that burden on your family? There are many opportunities and resources to ease that weight for you and for them.

A “good death” means different things to everyone, but I bet you want each of your last days to be as good and happy as they can be. I would. Share your thoughts with the people who will be closest to you at the end of your life. They may not want to hear it, but they need to know. And I have a feeling they will appreciate and find comfort knowing they did as you asked, especially after you’re gone.

As you consider your final days, it would be my honor to give you my time and attention. I can be a sounding board for you without judgment. If not me, I hope you have someone who’s loving and compassionate in your life that can offer you this precious space and time.

You may be dying, but your life still matters. With dignity and pride and love, make it all count until the end.

With grace,

Leah

P.S. And if this resonated with you in any way, please share it with others. The more compassion and understanding that’s out there in the world, the better.